Conflict

I’d heard of love from my friends before
I’d see them lost to the world, their hearts would adore
Each other
And I wondered,
What is love?
But a childish, immature, fantastical concept
A naïve, vulnerable, hazardous prospect
All this while I thought I was grown up until it crept
Upon me
Like a shadow,
Stealthily
And I didn’t even realize
All this time I thought I could moralize
But now I’m paralyzed
This catch in my breath,
When my heart skips a beat
My lower lip trembles
I refused to believe
That I was in love
This tightness in my chest
My head still protests
It’s hard to digest
Was I in love?
I shiver a bit
My belly does a little flip
When I think of his name
Was I going insane?
To think that cynical, mistrustful me
Had been finally ensnared, finally deceived
Had I fallen in love?
Had I fallen in love?
Could it be true
That my prince charming arrived so soon
On his white horse
Singing the verse
Of my heart
No, I was a fool,
I searched for another excuse
No but he had arrived
Wanted me to be his bride
Wanted me by his side
And when he smiled at me,
He broke straight through this shield,
This armour, this shell that I’d built
I didn’t even know it existed
Trapped in the grey tower of my own doing
He rescued me, his princess
I know it’s true
I touched him, he’d kissed my hands
And whatever I’d thought, I’d planned
Vanished
I know it’s true
Was this my cue?
To finally believe?

Now he’s gone
My lower lip trembles, my heart has lost its song
I didn’t believe in love’s magic, its power
I admit, I was a doubter, a coward
But now look what love has done to me
I’m a different being
Yes, because I didn’t believe I’ve fallen down
My head frowns,
Telling me, “I told you so”
This is my punishment
It wasn’t love, I said, so he went
Created this illusion
Threw me in this confusion, delusion
I couldn’t come to a conclusion
He filled a void; I was baffled it even existed
I could get him back I knew
My heart persisted
My head resisted
This conflict, this battle rages,
I’ve retreated to my cage
And I don’t want to leave
I don’t want to fall in love again
Hear my head berate heart once more
Be drowned, then the impossible swim to the shore
No, it was sensible to not fall in love, I swore
But it felt so good; when I was with him, magic
I traveled to a different world; ecstatic
I felt warm, secure, these were feelings I’d never known
Now that he was gone I couldn’t accuse
Now that he was gone I could no longer refuse
The excuse
That indeed I was in love
I felt so lonely that night,
The light
It left my eyes
Who was to blame but myself for my plight?
And this lone tear fell from my face
Like rain, on a hot dry summer day
My heart heaved,
My head finally believed
That indeed
I had been in love,
I had been in love

Advertisements

16 thoughts on “Conflict

  1. It wasnt your fault.
    Dont blame yourself for everything girl. And you’re not a different being. You’re still the same girl to me.
    And dont worry, I got the key to your cage ;)
    Im always there for you :*

    Like

    • Hi Bryne,
      Wasn’t it? Well, I was wondering if I could have said or done anything to change the circumstances. Maybe it would have resulted in a better outcome..
      But no regrets at all, I assure you.
      I will always be the same girl to you. :*
      I know. Keep it safe.
      Thank you. :)

      Like

  2. Touching, beautiful, lovely, I dont have words to describe it. You should be a poet. I wonder if Shakespeare is reborn as you.

    Like

    • Hi Pranav,
      Whoa, you flatter me. :P Thank you, thank you.
      I merely write what I feel – unrestricted, uninhibited, without the fear of anyone judging me. This is what I’ve learned from the great Bard. He wrote what he felt, powerfully, without fear of what his contemporaries would think of him. That was the strength of his character. And today, we’re still learning tremendously from him. Aren’t we? ;)
      What you said means a lot to me.
      Do come back for more.

      Like

  3. one who did truly luv sum1 cud write such beautiful, heart touching poetry.
    Girl, Wat I wud suggest is dat go on in ur life, der is Sum1 better waiting for u,who deserves u. N keep writing such stuffs, so that i cud share d pain u feel right nw, for u r nt lonely until I die. And one last thing yes u Wer in love.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ;-)

    Like

    • Hi Sibin,
      That was pretty poetic itself :) Yes, I will, I’ve my whole life ahead of me. This is most certainly not the end of the world. At least something good came out of it. ;)
      I am so glad you can relate to what I feel. Thanks, those words are lovely!

      Like

  4. This is a superb opening to a wondrous blog! “The Girl Who Speaks to Herself” is going to find millions listening intently to her very soon! I predict! I particularly like what you did with the words, confusion, delusion, illusion, conclusion. Made for some good “fusion!” Take care, you!
    Stephanie

    Like

  5. Hello, Thank you so much for going through my undiscovered posts and voting for them, really raised my spirits and morale colossally. I couldn’t help not going through you blog! The 50 word stories are very well thought of and your work is commendable. Continue writing, its like you have been made for it :)

    Like

Talk to me!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s