Question

You ask me what I expect of you,
Ask me what my reaction would be
If you ever said that you love me.
A million thoughts running through my mind
Washed over with nostalgia
Remembering
Reminiscing
Reliving
Those times when you held me high
Those times have grown old now, haggard, fragile
Like a beautiful flower pressed somewhere between the pages of my book,
Trying to preserve its short-lived beauty, romance; it’s sad
Its dull shimmer, seems unreal (it used to shine so bright, it nearly blinded me)
Delicate; careful now, touch it and it’ll crumble and vanish into nothingness
Those times have grown old
Into times where you crushed me low, so low.
Blissfully ignorant,
But your ignorance is not my bliss.
Thinking about the times I was close,
Close by your side, holding your hand
Thinking about the times you were far,
Separated by inches that felt like miles of distance.
I sigh.
I thought I knew you so well, Mr. Stranger.
You study my face closely,
As I bite my lip like I always do when I’m thinking
You’re wondering:
What is going through my mind now?
Suddenly I’m transported to a conversation that I had with your “friend”
I said,
“If he never meant it, he shouldn’t have done that,
He shouldn’t have held my hand,
He shouldn’t have caressed my cheek.”
And you know what he said?
“He regrets that too.”
What did this too mean?!
I never regretted any of it!
I think,
I barely trust myself to believe that you were lying to me
All this while
But…
I try,
A million thoughts converging and then shattering to pieces, painful
I try,
to fix
to fix my gaze on yours
Forget looking straight,
I am barely thinking straight
I’m hoping
That you delve into the depths of my soul
And find
What I truly mean to say.
If you search,
You’ll find it.
Till you do,
The answer is,
“I don’t know.”

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