Midnight Conversations With Myself.

I am solitary tears tied with string.
(Oh where, oh where could you be?)
(Phenomenal woman, what’s your mystery?)

To the calm, chaos I bring.
(I look in your eyes and what do I see?)
(Oh phenomenal woman, what’s your mystery?)

I am the frost in your disparity.
I am the hope bringing you to your knees.
(Don’t you know what you mean to me?)

I am frozen smiles that reach your ears.
I am the pulse behind your tears.
I am the darkness swallowing up your fears.
(Woman, where is your smile?)
(You’ve been away for a while.)

My tears run down a familiar path, you see.
Do you ever still think about me?
Would you ever write a song about us, and what we used to be?
(Who is this you speak about? An unnamed reflection, and half your heart?)

Would I do it all again? Probably not.
I’d simply re-write the ‘end’ into a momentary pause.
(To still care, you choose.)
(What’s it been now, anyway? One year, or two?)

This was inadequate love, I say.
Too far I let you stray.
Too scared to trust,
Too sacred to lose.
We had one choice; and that we didn’t choose.
(Silly woman, move on already.)
(He’s in a happier place with others, from you he is free.)
(Don’t draw him back into your misery.)

I am seashells strung with red ribbon.
I am the taste of chocolate on your lips.
I am three missed phone calls and six cups of coffee.
I am the songs you strum on your guitar at night.
(Let go and forget.)
(It is for the best.)

I want our time back.
I shut my eyes and I’m still taken back to the hills, under open skies
Do you remember, do you remember at all?
Have your forgotten, in the silence it was your name I called?
Isn’t your embrace where I truly belong?
(…)
(I have nothing to say, anymore.)
(You’ve been down this memory path before.)

Well.

My laughter is no longer the sweetest sound you will hear.
It is bitterness tinged with cheer.
I am not sunshine and I am not peace.
I would rather run to the chaos and see the present it brought me.
(Phenomenal woman, you set your boundaries.)
(Phenomenal woman, now you are truly free.)

Let’s put all of this behind us and start anew.
“Hi, I’m Ruth, and it’s nice to meet you.”
(But love of my life, are you still you?)