Fluid.

My heart is heavy, but now it is free.
I stumble in the darkness, but at least I can see.
Water is insipid but it cannot be stitched.
Ignorance is bliss, so let’s pretend you don’t exist.
Let’s pretend we never kissed.

Sunlight and silence don’t really go well together,
Just like you and me.
The blows of your words turned my heart into steel.
Steel turns into resolve that cannot be caged.
The still of the oceans soothes a heart full of rage.

Water may be insipid, but at least it flows and is free,
I am lifeless, but at least I am me.

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Evil In My Innocence, Or So It Seems

A storm of obsidian and orange battles in the sky,
Oblivious to me; marvelling at
This riot, this perpetual struggle
This essence of difference in their confluence.
Still, lifeless pools of mud
Smirk silently, the eyes of the earth watching
The air has stilled, as if with bated breath
They anticipate my walk into Doom
Vanishing into Oblivion
Dissolving in the Loneliness
But I am unafraid.
Silence.
I see you, as I have countless times
Your black silhouette glows too bright against the iridescent sky
Your shimmering smile is unreal, I remind myself
An illusion my mind has struggled violently against before
Acutely aware of my many scars, I walk
You invade the inner sanctum of my mind and I stumble
Powerless now, I crawl to you
Pushing all of your strength away from me in vain
Inexplicable terror seizes me and I collapse in your arms
You are an old wound with the capacity to hurt much more than you actually should.
Tears? What tears? To cry is such a cliché
And even though I am all too familiar with this pain,
The hurt rips me apart, just like the first time.
What is it about you that forces me to unwillingly succumb to your charms?
When I am finally conscious of your lethal touch
You grip my face and deeply, you kiss
Your heady scent envelops me – my grave
Irresistible as you are, I try and break free
I no longer have the strength to fight
All of a sudden you are gone and I am left clutching my Shadows, my old friends
Like a fool, once more I was trapped
My feet sink into that marsh called Hope
Damned to eternal punishment – my only crime being to love you and give my all to you
The sky rages overhead, rent apart by the violence of your words and light
The earth shudders in fury
And Time claims yet another innocent victim

Scared

(an older piece)

Is this real?
I ask myself
Can it be real?
Is this too good to be true?
I am happy, is it wrong?
I’m so afraid because happiness like this is frightening
They say, they only let you be so happy when they are going to take something away from you
Will he go away, like they all did before?
Will he leave, will he break my heart?
Should I risk it, or run for my life?
Should I fall under his spell and then into a deep abyss of hurt and betrayal?
I’m so tired of being hurt again and again and again
I’d like to feel wanted…
No, but I’m too scared to love
Too scared to let go
Too scared to lose myself in his eyes
To melt in his embrace
Oh, but it feels so good, so good when I’m around him,
When I take in his heady scent
When he talks to me in that damn-assured voice of his
It was the music that brought us together
Will the music take him away?
I think I’m in love but I’m afraid to say it out loud
They may hear me, I may jinx it
I may say something wrong and just blow it all away
This is precious to me, fragile
This feeling I’m feeling
I’d like to cherish it; forever
Truth is, I’m scared

Twenty Past One

It’s twenty past one.
I’m sitting on my bed. Munching
On chocolate chip cookies, crunching
Thinking
You were in front of me, all I was doing is punching
Your face,
Instead of speaking (I hate you so)
Something
Which I know now I shouldn’t have said. (I love you so)
Now launching,
Into bouts of moody, selfish imagination
Of my version.
I’m staring,
Into oblivion
As you’re shrinking
Into the distant past
I’m blinking
I was a fool, convinced this would last
Oh, but you go,
I’m so over you.
Maybe not.