Evil In My Innocence, Or So It Seems

A storm of obsidian and orange battles in the sky,
Oblivious to me; marvelling at
This riot, this perpetual struggle
This essence of difference in their confluence.
Still, lifeless pools of mud
Smirk silently, the eyes of the earth watching
The air has stilled, as if with bated breath
They anticipate my walk into Doom
Vanishing into Oblivion
Dissolving in the Loneliness
But I am unafraid.
I see you, as I have countless times
Your black silhouette glows too bright against the iridescent sky
Your shimmering smile is unreal, I remind myself
An illusion my mind has struggled violently against before
Acutely aware of my many scars, I walk
You invade the inner sanctum of my mind and I stumble
Powerless now, I crawl to you
Pushing all of your strength away from me in vain
Inexplicable terror seizes me and I collapse in your arms
You are an old wound with the capacity to hurt much more than you actually should.
Tears? What tears? To cry is such a cliché
And even though I am all too familiar with this pain,
The hurt rips me apart, just like the first time.
What is it about you that forces me to unwillingly succumb to your charms?
When I am finally conscious of your lethal touch
You grip my face and deeply, you kiss
Your heady scent envelops me – my grave
Irresistible as you are, I try and break free
I no longer have the strength to fight
All of a sudden you are gone and I am left clutching my Shadows, my old friends
Like a fool, once more I was trapped
My feet sink into that marsh called Hope
Damned to eternal punishment – my only crime being to love you and give my all to you
The sky rages overhead, rent apart by the violence of your words and light
The earth shudders in fury
And Time claims yet another innocent victim


With An Undertone Of Love

(My love for music and the unspoken connect that I shared with my close friend over music inspired me to write this.)

Photo Source : Etsy(dot)com

Photo Source : Etsy(dot)com

You were D major, so happy, vivace,
I was just A minor, sad and alone
Trying to be expressive, trying to be graceful
The sole relative I had was C, but she was crazy – she only saw the white and refused to admit sometimes in life there was black notes too
Reluctantly she admitted to B flat.

But you became part of my melody, my rhythm – and when, I didn’t even realize.
Were you the anacrusis I needed, in my crisis?
Re of sunlight,
You taught me to C sharp, read between the lines
We worked out our harmony in the cacophony
You were my leading note
With you I was perfect
You helped me overcome every clef
My accidentals; I wasn’t proud of them
You showed me to embrace them as my naturals
And let them be my key signature
You smoothed them out, legato, legato
With you I never wavered, I never quavered
You taught me to be forte, be dominant, express myself
But ma non troppo, ma non tanto
You became the grace of my notes
When I was with you, I trilled, like a bird
I beamed when you tied me to yourself
Reluctant to let me go
At every turn you held my hand
But sometimes even you slurred
I was just scared, I thought I wouldn’t be able to handle those phrases of yours
Sometimes when you galloped away
I held you – tenuto, pause – taught you to enjoy and savour the moments
We were in sync babe, we moved in parallel motion
You held the key to my heart
Amoroso, amoroso, we progressed in unison

Finally when we reached our crescendo
You held me so high, so high on the high C
I looked back down and saw what a long way I’ve come from what I used to be
Just A flat minor

Little did I know that you only sang falsetto

What went wrong I still don’t realize
Maybe I hit the wrong note
Maybe I tapped the wrong time
But sforzando!
And you were gone.

Our cadence wasn’t perfect, babe
But that’s the beauty of it
Maybe it was temporary, the rest
May be it was necessary, for our song to be the best

Con forza, con fuoco, risoluto
You came into my life
Now you’re gone
I’m beat, downtempo,
I just hang around, hunting desperately for the Da capo, the repeat, the reprise
Even though it may sound as the same ending, all I want back is my time with you
My trembling voice comes and goes, forte-piano, forte-piano
All is morendo now, sotto voce, subdued.

That Evening (Emptiness)

A broken street-light
Fl i    ckering
A broken white chair
Just about to
I stood there
Holding the many pieces of my heart
Some fell and rolled into the dusty corners of that archway
Its ceiling was burnt black
Just like my heart
The light, it was quickly fading
The shadows, increasing
Overwhelming, over-powering
I was scared
And you walked in
I wasn’t prepared
For that dazzling, confident smile of yours
And the darkness vanished
You stood there
And watched as I tried to reassemble myself
I took a step towards you,
But the load on my shoulders crumbled
You watched; smiling.
For that moment your eyes locked onto mine
For that moment you were mine, mine
I crawled towards you, I’d made you my refuge
Whilst the deluge
Of many memories, my past
Nearly washed me away
But I held strong
Thought I trembled, quivering like a leaf in a thunderstorm
You taught me to hope
I reached, I reached out to touch you
You shimmered and vanished
A mirage in the desert
You left me thirsting
I looked around
I couldn’t find you
Behind, the shadows began creeping towards me again
Ahead, was the path, it was dark
And then I saw your silhouette
You walked towards the darkness,
Boldly, with confidence, never missing your step
Holding the light I wanted, needed so desperately in your hands
I’m trying to follow you
Do you understand?
Mother said,
Some come for a reason,
Some come for a season
I still don’t know why you came
And left so quickly
I’m still rooted here, though
Unsure of myself
For some reason unknown to my conscious mind
I believe you will come back
I call out your name
All I hear is the echo of silence

Photo Credits : Cheri Lucas Rowlands

The Hallways of My Mind / Emptiness (Photo Credits : Cheri Lucas Rowlands)