Midnight Conversations With Myself.

I am solitary tears tied with string.
(Oh where, oh where could you be?)
(Phenomenal woman, what’s your mystery?)

To the calm, chaos I bring.
(I look in your eyes and what do I see?)
(Oh phenomenal woman, what’s your mystery?)

I am the frost in your disparity.
I am the hope bringing you to your knees.
(Don’t you know what you mean to me?)

I am frozen smiles that reach your ears.
I am the pulse behind your tears.
I am the darkness swallowing up your fears.
(Woman, where is your smile?)
(You’ve been away for a while.)

My tears run down a familiar path, you see.
Do you ever still think about me?
Would you ever write a song about us, and what we used to be?
(Who is this you speak about? An unnamed reflection, and half your heart?)

Would I do it all again? Probably not.
I’d simply re-write the ‘end’ into a momentary pause.
(To still care, you choose.)
(What’s it been now, anyway? One year, or two?)

This was inadequate love, I say.
Too far I let you stray.
Too scared to trust,
Too sacred to lose.
We had one choice; and that we didn’t choose.
(Silly woman, move on already.)
(He’s in a happier place with others, from you he is free.)
(Don’t draw him back into your misery.)

I am seashells strung with red ribbon.
I am the taste of chocolate on your lips.
I am three missed phone calls and six cups of coffee.
I am the songs you strum on your guitar at night.
(Let go and forget.)
(It is for the best.)

I want our time back.
I shut my eyes and I’m still taken back to the hills, under open skies
Do you remember, do you remember at all?
Have your forgotten, in the silence it was your name I called?
Isn’t your embrace where I truly belong?
(…)
(I have nothing to say, anymore.)
(You’ve been down this memory path before.)

Well.

My laughter is no longer the sweetest sound you will hear.
It is bitterness tinged with cheer.
I am not sunshine and I am not peace.
I would rather run to the chaos and see the present it brought me.
(Phenomenal woman, you set your boundaries.)
(Phenomenal woman, now you are truly free.)

Let’s put all of this behind us and start anew.
“Hi, I’m Ruth, and it’s nice to meet you.”
(But love of my life, are you still you?)

With An Undertone Of Love

(My love for music and the unspoken connect that I shared with my close friend over music inspired me to write this.)

Photo Source : Etsy(dot)com

Photo Source : Etsy(dot)com

You were D major, so happy, vivace,
I was just A minor, sad and alone
Trying to be expressive, trying to be graceful
The sole relative I had was C, but she was crazy – she only saw the white and refused to admit sometimes in life there was black notes too
Reluctantly she admitted to B flat.

But you became part of my melody, my rhythm – and when, I didn’t even realize.
Were you the anacrusis I needed, in my crisis?
Re of sunlight,
You taught me to C sharp, read between the lines
We worked out our harmony in the cacophony
You were my leading note
With you I was perfect
You helped me overcome every clef
My accidentals; I wasn’t proud of them
You showed me to embrace them as my naturals
And let them be my key signature
You smoothed them out, legato, legato
With you I never wavered, I never quavered
You taught me to be forte, be dominant, express myself
But ma non troppo, ma non tanto
You became the grace of my notes
When I was with you, I trilled, like a bird
I beamed when you tied me to yourself
Reluctant to let me go
At every turn you held my hand
But sometimes even you slurred
I was just scared, I thought I wouldn’t be able to handle those phrases of yours
Sometimes when you galloped away
I held you – tenuto, pause – taught you to enjoy and savour the moments
We were in sync babe, we moved in parallel motion
You held the key to my heart
Amoroso, amoroso, we progressed in unison

Finally when we reached our crescendo
You held me so high, so high on the high C
I looked back down and saw what a long way I’ve come from what I used to be
Just A flat minor

Little did I know that you only sang falsetto

What went wrong I still don’t realize
Maybe I hit the wrong note
Maybe I tapped the wrong time
But sforzando!
And you were gone.

Our cadence wasn’t perfect, babe
But that’s the beauty of it
Maybe it was temporary, the rest
May be it was necessary, for our song to be the best

Con forza, con fuoco, risoluto
You came into my life
Now you’re gone
I’m beat, downtempo,
I just hang around, hunting desperately for the Da capo, the repeat, the reprise
Even though it may sound as the same ending, all I want back is my time with you
My trembling voice comes and goes, forte-piano, forte-piano
All is morendo now, sotto voce, subdued.

Hush, Now (The Little Death)

Speak softly, my darling
Quiet, not a word now,
Let’s fight no more.
Hush, listen to the
Sounds of silence, the
Oblivion, the
Darkness, of
Loneliness
Out of which we arose
Like a phoenix, from the ashes,
The embers will never die.
The passion we shared
Will never fade…
The warmth; we warmed each other
The cockles of my heart, melting
The cold, hard snow of the years, thawing
The warm ray of sunshine
You came into my life,
We filled the deafening silence with
Our music
Our laughter
Half smiles and downcast eyes.
In your arms I lay (till the storm passes)
You held me close (till the wind ceases)
I thought you would never let go…
A cool zephyr blows, now the light glows
Together we’ll soar into the sky
Above the miserable clouds (with no silver lining)
Up where the sun shines upon on our faces
The wind beneath our wings
We’ll laugh together,
We’ll mock those jaded, cynical beings
Who mocked us.
They were just jealous
We’ll prove them wrong,
Our love will.

Come to me.
Speak no more.
Precious, fragile, delicate hearts
Can break under harsh words, under pressure
Hush now, let’s nourish
The little we have left
A measure of music, half of merriment
A sprinkling of the shards of the past…
Hold my hand.
I’ll shroud you in my affections
Smother you with my love
Choke you with my words
Close your eyes with my kisses
Put you to sleep with my songs, my voice
And when you rest I’ll let go
And you’ll slip back into oblivion.
Peacefully.
Unknowingly.
And I’ll return to the shadows I know too well,
Existing, not living
Covered in cobwebs (of illusion), star-dust
Surrounded in shards of my broken soul
Each reflecting, magnifying the hurt, the pain,
Singing the song of silence (it’ll echo)
Till I rise again